I was confused!
It began a couple of weeks ago when I suffered a minor heart challenge. I love that word, it kind of gives you a hint of what happened without giving you a hint of what happened. Let’s leave it at that for the moment and see how we go.
As you know from my recent posts I have been working on my centre point (see these heart centred posts). What with the Sufi experience, bringing my family together and the quest to balance my heart centre I was surprised, quite literally when my HC dropped into my lap. A mini prelude is necessary because it’s relevant, I think.
So a couple of days ago I had been able to get all of my siblings and many of their issue together. It was a monumental feat. I have related that experience in this part of the Sufi experience. Well, I wasn’t done! In a truly insane expedition I attempted to get another gathering together literally five days after that one. The Islamic festival of Eid was on the horizon.
In Islam there are two Eid festivals. The one (Eid-al-Fitr) that was approaching was to mark the end of the fasting month of Ramadan.
Would it be possible to get every one together again for this celebration? Everyone of the previous invitees claimed it was impossible.
- It was too soon
- Give it some time
- No, I’m busy (obvious lie)
- We met the other day
Were just a few of the excuses that I encountered. I battled through them, one by one and truly miraculously I managed to get all of them together for Eid. I completely surprised myself. The day went reasonably well, all things considered and given the history of disappointments and disgruntlements that any family dysfunctional family might have.
At 11pm I was almost done. I had ferried (yes, some of them wanted a taxi service), placated and emotionally cuddled the invitees through the process and only one remained. In hindsight I felt a twinge of uncertainty as I drove the 30 miles to my brothers home. I felt it needed it, he had had a bit of a tough time at one point and I wanted to smooth some ruffled feathers.
I arrived at his door about 10:30 in the evening and spent some twenty minutes with his emotional disgruntlements. Honestly! Talk about regressing to childish behaviour. Anyways it was done and I stepped out of his door, relieved.
Quite honestly it was only 5 minutes later as I was driving home that I felt a twinge in my chest. For a minute or two I put it down to the over eating I had done (come on it was Eid!) but then the pain travelled down my left arm and I knew it was something more.
Our habits, beliefs and psychological oddities are amazing aren’t they? To anyone else you would give the immediate advice “Get to the Hospital now!” but do you give yourself that same advice? I would bet not. To yourself the advice often takes the form…It’s nothing serious, I’ll be okay in a minute…Am I right?
Well, I am no exception having a pretty average kind of psychology (yeah right!) Rather to my own surprise I found myself driving towards the hospital.
Nudge of Intuition
I parked up, right opposite A & E. Got out and started to walk across to the entrance. I can’t recall whether I actually did feel some pain relief or not but I though I did or so my rational brain said to me and I turned away from the door of A & E and headed back to my car. Are you Insane? You are shouting, in hindsight I am too. Fortunately something else had my back.
I can count on one hand (perhaps two) when some agency has interrupted the flow of things and made me change direction. Somewhere within these pages a few of these have been described. Here is another…
As I approached my car, ready to ignore the twinge in my chest and arm, something took control of me. Truthfully, that is what happened. IT turned me about and led me back to the door of A & E. At the same time a thought was shoved into my mind.
“This is what everyone does! They don’t take that self-caring step until it’s too late.”
With those alienwords in my mind and my feet being involuntarily directed into the hospital. What else could I do but let what happens, happen?
I’ll leave this tale here for the moment. Please stay tuned though because there is more Edge Wizardry stuff to explore during this time.
Kal Malikthe journey continues