Posts Tagged ‘going native’
So this is the last post in the mini series that was my 3 days with a trio of native americans. The other posts can be found by following this native american link.
At the beginning of these meetings, Jenni, the leader had told me that she would share knowledge about experiences if I would listen to their request at the end. She had said that it wasn’t an obligation unless I accepted it as such i.e. the experiences were freely given.
As you can imagine I had been intrigued by this request for the 3 days that we met and asked on a few occasions what it would be. Alas nothing was forth coming. So it was with great anticipation that I met with Jenni on this final day.
Both Tom and Sam were not in attendance and I had said my farewells to them yesterday. So it was just me and Jenni, walking along the beach.
She began by asking me what I knew about Native American history. I told her what little I knew. Which essentially amounted to the fact that they had been decimated by the Europeans over the last few hundred years.
She agreed with me and said that decimated was the right word to use. “We were not only defeated in that our lands have been stripped from us, but we were also defeated in spirit. Our very spirit, individually and collectively has been shattered.”
Her speech was long and detailed as she listed the tribes that had once wandered across the now artificially created States boundaries. Those tribes were the land and the land was the tribes. She said that America as it is now has been reborn from the ashes of an un-forgiving land and (in her words) this is why much of the world sees the America with fear or hate.
Personally I have to disagree with her, but this is her story so…
But, she went on, this isn’t about America or Americans it is about us, the natives of this land. We have a problem that is like a parasite that has killed our strength and eaten away at our spirit. This parasite is un-forgiveness she proclaimed.
We (as a race) cannot forgive what has been done to us and what has been taken from us. Without that forgiveness we cannot heal and become strong again. Over the years we have striven to try. Some leave the old ways and embrace the new but they are sick in their hearts. Roots cannot be left behind. They travel with us and if there source is poisoned then that too enters the soul.
Having tried and failed to bring this message to the people across the country, some few of us have embarked on a different strategy. What we have decided to do is increase the fold of Native Americans. We will bring others from outside into our collective.
I was surprised at this, could it even be done? Jenni assured me that it could.
Jenni and many others among the Natives believe that by extending the fold, there will come a time when there will be a shift of balance. The fold will contain enough who know the value of forgiveness to break the hold that that curse has upon them and the whole of her (she smiled and corrected herself) our kind will be free of it and be able to continue to progress.
What a concept! And an original idea. I was flabbergasted. “And you want me to become a native american” I asked?
Yes, she said, simply and looked across at me. We had reached the point were we had sat the previous days and she gestured for me to sit down. She didn’t speak for many minutes.
Thoughts of all kinds frittered through my mind. What would it entail, it was a great obligation, what would I have to do, did I have to move to the States? Rituals? My brain was on fire. Then it all stopped. Almost as if it had been commanded.
I didn’t ask any of the questions that arose, not a one. I turned to Jenni and said, “I accept.”
Whilst I watched, Jenni dug a little whole in the ground in-between me and the waters of Brooklyn bay. She opened her satchel and pulled out some wood and dropped it into the hole. She then lit a fire from the wood and came to sit by my left side.
Quietly she said to me, “Here we have fire and water.” She lifted some sand in her hands and let it fall. “Earth” she said, and I swear, on cue a breeze blew, “wind”.
“all we need know is to call the spirit of the land.” She leaned close to my left ear and began singing. Her mouth was so close that the breath from it tingled my ear and made the hair stand on the back of my neck. She sang and sang. some bits sounded sad, some happy, some times she would just hum.
At first I just stared at the waters of the bay and the flames. After a while I just closed my eyes and let that song fill me. It wasn’t a haunting song, which I guess one might expect, rather it was sprightly and lively. Like a fast running brook rushing over cobbles.
Without stopping she moved to the other side of me and sang into my right ear. This was haunting and melodious. filled with long sounds and words. Both songs were in her Native American tongue.
About 40 minutes later she stopped singing. I let the echoes (inside of me) settle before I opened my eyes. “It is done” she said, “You carry with you a token of the heart of this land and my people.” She had moved in front of me and I looked up at her. She had tear streaks running down her face.
“Is there anything I have to do?” I asked. “No, it is done” She paused, “from our talks I know that your nature is forgiving. That is the energy that will help us. You will know what to do in time.”
I asked her what she had sung. She said, “I sang of the forest, the lakes, the hills and mountains, of the empty ravines and the dancing bee…” she said much more but I can only recall those.
We put the fire out and walked back along the beach without speaking. It seemed that there was nothing more to say. We reached the point were we had met on three occasions. I confess I felt so profoundly sad (even as I write this I am feeling that moment).
She looked at me and said, “it’s because our hearts felt so good in each others company”. She laughed, short and sharp. It broke a spell.
“Good bye Kal Malik” turned and walked away.
I hadn’t the mood to walk on the beach anymore, though the day was still young. I think I just wandered aimlessly for the rest of the day.
Ok, so I had just mentioned to Jenni that I was a caffeine addict and it would be great to get rid of that addiction. We were on the Beach again in Brooklyn and the sun was scorching for April. Jenni asked me to lie down on the sand and I did so.
She knelt down beside me and after a couple of seconds of deep breathing she hit me in the stomach. Whoosh! I staggered, rolled over and doubled up. What the f***! I screamed and turned back over to give her a verbal (and possibly physical) berating. She had stepped away and all three of these Natives! were smiling.
She opened her hands before me, placating and shushed my outrage. “I didn’t hit you” she said. What? Of course she had. She tapped the side of her head, “don’t think, feel” This was not the time for Bruce Lee spirituality I have to say. My stomach was churning and threatening to empty itself.
“No, I didn’t” She said again, just stop and feel for a moment. I thought she meant to feel my stomach so I rubbed it gently. There didn’t seem to be any tenderness. I looked across at her and she said that she hadn’t hit me physically, instead it had been energetically.
I felt around in my mind. How do you feel if an addiction is still there? Particularly one that is as subtle as caffeine? I couldn’t tell. It would have to wait. Other more interesting matters where going to unfold.
As I mention in previous posts, I had failed to see Jenni vanish because I was stuck in my beliefs (her explanation). So I had very very reluctantly agreed to take some perception enhancements i.e. hallucinogenics.
We sat in the kind of peace party circular tradition and Jenni brought out a wooden pipe. She took some stuff out of a pouch and loaded the pipe. I began to ask questions, when Tom (or Sam) touched my arm and placed a finger to his lips. No talking.
The pipe was giving off a fair amount of smoke and I was trying not to breathe it in. Jenni smiled. She knew what I was trying to do. She handed me the pipe and I clumsily took a drag. Nothing. I looked around me and nothing, other than a rather cold feeling inside as if I had breathe in extremely cold air and it had frosted my lungs.
My perception as far as I could tell hadn’t changed. I looked across at Jenni, who smiled, and gestured for me to have another drag. Feeling that it wasn’t as bad as I had anticipated (feared) I took another gulp from the pipe.
As I breathed out I noted in myself a little queasiness. “Ah,” my mind thought, “here is where it gets confusing.” But again the feeling was short lived and I didn’t get anything more than a queazy feeling.
On the third drag however I noticed something that could have been there before but unnoticed. There was quite a breeze blowing and the waves had plenty of motion. However as I looked out on them they seemed to have slowed down, no, not slowed down but stopped completely.
My head was difficult to move but I could move my eyes ok, so I looked over at Jenni who had been trying to get my attention apparently. As I looked at her, she pointed at herself.
A little exercise for you. Can I ask you to try something? What I want you to do is to point at yourself. Are you doing it? Go on, have a go. Now then, without moving your hand. Where are you pointing? I bet its your chest or your heart?
Jenni was pointing at her navel and tapping it gently. Or it could have been really fast, my perception was awry, remember? As I watched her touch her navel the most remarkable thing happened. She collapsed into a point of light and vanished.
I know, I was on a hallucinogenic, or it could have been suggestion, hypnosis or just plain crazy. But I’m telling you that girl vanished and right into her navel too.
I think that I should have been shocked but I wasn’t. If I recall, my thoughts were on the lines of, “Oh, that’s interesting”. The pipe had fallen from my hands I think and I felt a headache and an ache throughout my body. Particularly my heart. I do recall at one point wondering if I was going to have a heart attack.
It must have been about 30 minutes that I sat there in a kind of slow motion daze until I felt myself coming out or returning to my senses.
It was then that the impact of what had happened hit me. What seems to have happened is that the excitement and wonder of Jenni vanishing had been bottled up inside me until the effects of the drug had worn off. At which point my feelings and senses were inundated with emotion. It was over whelming.
Tom and Sam where both still with me when I could talk again and I described to them my experience. They nodded in that we know kind of way. They all but patted me on the shoulders with a “there there”. It took even more time for me to recover the use of my legs and the ability to walk. Once I had done so they said their good byes and reminded me as promised. “Tomorrow Jenni will tell you about our request.” It looked like I wasn’t going to be seeing these two guys again.
Funny, I actually felt really sad about that.
Links to the other parts of these posts can be found by clicking the going native tag.
A vanishing act
Jenni was sitting 15 feet away from me and had just told me that she was going to vanish. And then two things happened at the same time. As I watched her she stood in one fluid motion and just as she reached a full standing position she stepped off to the right. But the strange thing was that she moved in jerks. It was like taking snapshots of here every millisecond. In the space of a couple of seconds I saw about 7-10 snaps of her and she had only gone about 5 feet from her sitting position when the second thing happened.
I wretched. Doubling over and leaning forward I threw up again and again. Eugh! Now I am not knew to throwing up having been to university (alcohol + pizza’s) had given me a few of those experiences but this was different (now that I recall it) It was as if a hand had shoved itself down my throat to the bottom of my stomach, grabbed what was in there and pulled it out.
By the time I had recovered, Jenni was nowhere to be seen and her two friends had moved a few more feet away from me. Fortunately because of the way I was sat I didn’t get anything on me (was this why she had said sit in a kneeling position? I hadn’t asked).
I described my experience of Jenni (seeming to) vanish to Tom and he replied that it was because I was too stiff in my beliefs. Really? I’m like Alice and can believe seven impossible things before breakfast. He laughed, Why were you sick then?
Tom told me that saying you believe in something is worthless. Acting and experiencing is what counts.That is what shifts the world.
I asked him where Jenni was. She is gone. But where? He shrugged. Gone. Again, I explained how I had seen her rise and seemingly walk away. That’s not what happened he said.
What you saw and what happened were different. I was non-plussed at this statement. You mean to say that I have to believe in her being able to vanish to see her vanishing. Yes, he said and pointed at me, but you experienced her vanishing. He laughed as he gestured at my stomach and drew a line to my mouth.
My further questions were turned away by the answer that Jenni would explain it tomorrow. I walked away from the beach with careful steps. My stomach was still feeling crumbly (although nothing further happened).
Later that evening I asked the dowsing rods whether Jenni had indeed vanished. The answer was Yes. You might ask, why I didn’t ask on the beach. Because…
At one point during our conversation I, quite innocently, drew out my rods to confirm some point and all three of them watched in amazement and laughed so loud that I embarrassingly put them away. Although they insisted that I should carry on, my embarrassment was too great.
We all met the next day and Jenni was smiling brightly as she shook my hand. She had a strong grip. “What did you think of my disappearing?” She asked. Very impressive, I said a bit sarcastically.
She laughed, they all did. She explained. “You didn’t see because you didn’t believe.” I argued that I did believe but she said, “if you had, you would have seen me vanish.”
It was the same point that Tom and Sam had made the day before. I had no place to go from my side of the argument. At one point Jenni said that there was a way in which I could see it. How? “You would have to enter an altered state.” She said.
Gwas laughed his head off when I was relating to him these tales. From day one (Oh about 20 years ago) Gwas had a point that I had to experience some form of drug induced state, so that I could appreciate its place in other worldly experiences. Since that time I have steadfastly refused for several reasons.
Drugs? She didn’t shy away from it. “If that’s what you want to call it.” She said that my view of the world had to be broken, experimentally broken.
I have to say that through our conversations one of the things I took away is that saying one believes means practically nothing. From their perspectives it was all about experience.
The quickest way to experientially break someone was to use a form of hallucinogenic. “Though of course,” Jenni said, “It isn’t really a hallucination inducing drug.” I said I would think about it and let her know tomorrow (since we had already determined that we would meet for 3 days).
So we talked and shared some more…
What is the Energy Double?
Over the last year and half I have pursued a thread of exploration which I called the Energy Double. My assumption was that the Energy Double was something that a person could produce and let explore the world and beyond. Here is a link to the posts that mention this entity.
During my conversations with Tom, Sam and Jenni I learned that the Energy Double isn’t a double at all. The conversation began when I told them about my experiences with my Energy Double. After I had described a few of them, Jenni asked what my conclusion was about this thing.
For me the energy double is something that:
- You create a double when you start working with energies.
- Has a life of its own and is sometimes within a person and often times without. Although it is difficult to tell whether it is inside one.
- It is immensely powerful and can travel across the globe and beyond (Jupiter for instance)
- It is very child like. In fact it could be considered to be a child.
You are right in almost all of these Jenni told me. The exception is this. You don’t create the energy double when you start working with energies. It is always there.
She then revealed a startling truth. The energy double isn’t really a double at all. It is your true self. Or more accurately it is more you than the you that is sat here. Their idea was that the energy double is in fact your energy and that the person that we represent or rather present to the world was a shallow creation.
This creation almost completely takes over the running of our life so much so that our true energetic self gains no experience of living (in a social world) at all. It deals with the world on an energetic level. To us, the energetic dealing looks to be childish.
I am going to quite honest with you readers, I had lost the reason behind this discussion and even now I am trying to put what she meant together. It was so far beyond my knowledge that I was nodding my head during the explanation but was in reality lost.
Still, I hope to bring you more on this topic as time goes by since as far as those Natives go. They said that the main objective of one who is travelling a path destined for magic is to bring the distance between the energy double and the social face as close as possible. Indeed for one to merge with the other.
Onto another matter that came up.
Perception of reality.
I have read many books on Native American beliefs and one that has left a deep impression on both Gwas and I are the works of Carlos Castaneda. So it was inevitable that he came up in the conversation at some point. I ask them how much their beliefs and experiences where in line with Castaneda’s.
One place where they differed was concerning perception. According to Jenni. Reality was a vibration. Perception of reality is based on our alignment with reality. This wasn’t new to me and probably isn’t new to you either. However what she said is that what we can do is shift ours perception vibration. The weird thing she added was that when we shift our perception we shift too.
Strange right? The world you see is the world you are in.
And we were back on to her vanishing. What she said was that she had shifted her perception and thus hadn’t so much moved physically but rather vibrationally. And what does an observer see?
I had to laugh at myself as this is what Castaneda was always asking his teacher, Don Juan.
Jenni however laughed, the observer becomes sick. We all laughed. Her answer was that perception compensated for it. You believe what you see and what you see is what you believe.
Hmmm sounds like Yoda. If this is confusing you. Don’t worry. So was I. But I guess I wanted to get my initial thoughts down and later on I can assimilate it (I hope).
We were near the end of our meeting when Jenni asked me a curious question. Is there a habit that you want to get rid of? What? A habit, like something you wanted to quit? A new years resolution that didn’t work?
Hmmm I thought about it for a moment. Coffee. I have wanted to quit for a while with no joy. Had a few goes but never lasted more than a couple of days.
I can sort that out for you, if you like? Okayyy.
See you at part 4
This is a continuation of the tale from part one.
I was sat outside the event venue on a patch of grass, just relaxing, when a fella came up to me and said, “you are shining so bright”.
Really? I thought, I wasn’t doing anything in particular. No visualizations, no energy work that I could speak of and yet here I was, apparently shining. I smiled up at the guy and we got into conversation.
His name was Sam and he was at the conference along with a couple of his friends. Sam is a Native American, who along with his friends had successfully merged ancient heritage with a modern life. The next (and final) day of the event I met with his other two friends Tom and Jenni.
Because of the event our chats were curtailed but they had impressed upon me that they were workers of energy and that much profit could be gained from our connection. To be honest I was amazed by their stories and professed accomplishments. Were they genuine or just filled with the bravado. More was revealed over the three days we spent together.
Meeting the trio
Of the three Jenni was the on who did most of the talking. She was a striking lady to be sure. Her features had a hint of Mexican about them (or South American anyway). Although they didn’t say at any time over the 3 days, I am sure that Jenni was the leader and the more proficient in Energy work and when I say energy work I really mean it. These three were so far ahead of what Gwas and I do that it felt like I was in kinder garden school.
Having said that however they were as interested in my stories as I was in their knowledge. And that is in an interesting distinction to make. From me they would ask for stories of my energy experiences. They however didn’t relate a single story (as far as I can remember). They did however impart plenty of knowledge.
Exchanging stories for Knowledge
In terms of discussion it is interesting to relate what particular stories of mine they seemed more keen on. For example they were fascinated by my Caileach experiences, in particular how I had refused her teachings to begin with in Ireland a couple of years ago. After I had told them this, and how I had been tricked back into her tutelage, they eagerly spoke to one another in what I am guessing was some southern american tongue. When I asked they just laughed it away and asked me more questions about my adventures.
Another thing I found funny was that they weren’t the slightest bit interested in Gwas’s experiences that I (on a few occasions) tried to relate. At one point, (Tom I think) said that Gwas isn’t here you are.
Other adventures that they drew out of me were concerning my experiences with the Ancient Yew tree. In particular the episode where I had tried to cross the boundary of life and death.
On their part they (I say they, but as mentioned Jenni was the talker) corrected, explained and expanded on my knowledge and added a couple of amazing experiences. I will relate them in the coming posts.
A optional Pact
On that first meeting with all three there came a time about 3 hours in to our discussions when Jenni turned with a questioning eye to her two friends. Who both nodded. Then she turned to me and said “We have a request.”
Her tone of voice had changed and in honesty I got a bit scared, not because her voice was scary but I just suddenly got a feeling that I didn’t know these three at all. It was a truly spooky feeling.
I asked what the request was, and she replied that, “It will only be a request, you can decline if you want to.” I asked again what it was and she said, “I only want to mention that we will make a request of you and that you can refuse.” She smiled, “But know this that we share our knowledge with you in the hopes that you will accept our request.”
Talk about mysterious. I had everything from secret initiations to drug trafficking in mind. I had had enough. There are some rabbit holes that I wont jump down, no matter how enticing. I was about to say as much when Jenni smiled and asked me, “would you like to see me vanish?”
What the flock? Vanishing? What? I exclaimed. We were sat on the beach and had been there for some hours. The sun was still quite high (maybe 5pm) and there was a warm breeze.
“Vanish?” I exclaimed again. “Yes,” Jenni replied.
“You can vanish?” I am certain I had raised my eyebrow ala Spock style. “Yes,” she replied. “Would you like to see?”
Guys, my expression must have been the most cynical ever worn when I said to her, Yes, go ahead, vanish.
She looked at me accusingly and told me to sit on my knees, I had been cross-legged. Then she moved some 15 feet away from me and sat down. Her friends where both sat to the left of me.
“Watch.” She said and I did, trying not to blink. Then two things happened at the same time.
ps – stay tuned for part-3
During the course of my life I have been a student of many philosophers, teachers, gurus, religions, ways of life and primarily of experience. One particular teacher that flits regularly across my radar is Carlos Castaneda. You may know that this apprentice shaman (man of knowledge) wrote several books in the 60′s and 70′s of his mysterious apprenticeship with Don Juan.
In the early years of our journey Gwas and I delved and explored everything that this guy wrote. Many a pint of beer was left un-drunk in the blaze of discussion. Since that time and this we have often correlated on too many occasions some part of Castaneda’s teachings. So it is that I often go through his works and find more material to bring colour to our explorations.
As you may know, over the last year (wow a year!) I have been back and to from America and on this occasion I had some amazing experiences and gained some truly esotoric knowledge, which I will share with you herein (and other places).
There must be a start to this tale and it is with a modern day amazing American by the name of Tony Robbins and a 4 day event consisting of 50 hours of amazing experiences known as “Unleash the Power Within”
5000 people, all in one place, all in an emotional peak state, all on a similar journey to become more than they are, all with their own inspiring pilgrimage story.I would argue with anyone who says that such an event wasn’t spiritual. In fact I would say that it was spiritual in every sense. I got to meet some amazing ordinary people with extra-ordinary stories.
If you want me to blog some of them drop a comment below and I will be happy to oblige.
This total emersion event which was about 15 hours a day for 4 days was a rock concert come seminar come emotionally and belief shattering event. It was on the 3rd evening of this event when I left the hall for a few minutes of rest, recuperation and sustenance and was sat on a patch of grass letting my energy refill that a guy came over to me and says.
- “You are shining so bright”
End of part 1,